Trouble teens: How to Deal With person affected with Narcissistic Disorder
The following article is based on my first hand experience with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Here’s the true story; a manager of a mental health club approaches me to support a young man in his 20’s who is interested to learn Arabic language. I didn’t know of the young man’s problem, but said ok to the given task. He does not show any signs of disorder, but later on I manage to understand him better because he always quotes some of the issues he is having in life. At first I sympathize him, but after some months knowing him.. he stated that his dad treat him badly when he was a child.
I insisted to his parents and for the first time after 4 months I know of his real problem; child abuse at the age of 9-12.
The mental health club gave up on him due to his pestering for attention and constant disturbances via phone and calls. We make him write an agreement to control his temper and disturbance. But not sure of the outcome, but I heard he still sent sms to seek attention.
I want to share this article to you, so it might not happen to you or family.
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
To understand the core of a person; first off you need to bring along the person to see a doctor or physiatrist to diagnose him. Knowing the types of mental disorder helps you to understand better of his situation and taking the right approach to his issues. Being ignorant is an enemy which should be avoided by attending short courses and meeting with mental health officers, I understand that a caregiver takes off most of his energies to support the patient, being alone to solve the patient would not solve the problem, but instead building network of support groups to discuss many issues.
When did the Narcissistic Personality Disorder started?
The approach is to look back at the patient’s life history, usually it has to do with mental abuse plus some incident happened that had implanted in the patient’s mind, a dreaded unsolved scar. Meet up with parents or people who raise him and discuss openly; what actually happen. The story line goes that physical and emotional abuse did cause a tremor of phobia and emotional after math of that abusive tragedy.
He feels outcast and try his effort to meet others expectation of him, he should have been better, but belief me; he failed the first primary level exam, retake and passed. He has only PSLE primary certificate, what sort of future do you think he has, I could not guarantee much. But please read more..
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Narcissistic Personality Disorder; his character
His family wanted to bring him out for a family gathering, On the way to the destination, he back out stating he doesn’t want to go. So his parent disallows him to stay at home, and shut the door without giving him the keys to the house. So he was left behind alone out of the house. He called me late at night weaning like a 6 year old child, no place to sleep for the night and with his dirty cloths. I told him it is his decision, the reason that his parent didn’t give the keys because, he will misuse the computer and send crazy emails, or hack someone’s face Book account.
Do you know what actually happen? He called police helpline and got some tips to open the door, call in the locksmith and paid some money to the locksmith and bought some t-shirts for himself, later he claim money from the mental health organization to repay back the lost he paid to the locksmith and new clothes. He even made a police report against the mental club for not paying back dues. Later when the parent came back home he didn’t want to open the door. And the police intervene.
You see, this scenario teaches us something;
- He still remembers the tremor he had as a child
- Attention grabber
- Revenge towards those who oppose him
- Intelligence and a plan for revenge
- He even insist that the mental club seek pardon for their mistakes
- He sees others making mistakes against him, and did not admit his fault.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder; how he handles situation
If you ask him literally about his pain; he would never admit the actual truth, reason he has a fake impression that he is the best and had accomplished a high standard of education than his caregivers, he would portray that he is on the right track and would twist facts to his own advantage. He loves to sms others as revenge as a sort of entertainment for him, his words hurts others, but he feels joy and plan to entice you to give in to his wants or surrender to his needs. All this for him is an entertainment of revenge.
He will drain you off energy and self worth to cater for his self needs, he never bother about your needs or the caregivers.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Is there a cure?
The truth to narcissistic personality disorder is there is no cure, he does not need pain killer to ease off the pain, the pain is ingrain as a child, and he is frozen in a child’s mind who weans for attention but yet powerful enough to plan revenge and taking advantage of other person’s weakness for his self interest. He lost self-confidence, esteem and self worth due to abusive mental and physical torment in his childhood. That history could not easily erase off him. It stays ingrained for years to come and loops his thoughts, which he always has a plan to take revenge towards parents or caregivers who are against him. He thinks that others around him is watching and planning to do harm to him, and he is always at a defense against others.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder – He portrays a successful person
The patient is a damaged person who lost all hope of love & care, due to low in confident, self esteem and broken soul, he portrays himself an image to show confidence and with a higher ranking of achievement than others. If you offer him a job, he would not want to work as a low level job or underpaid worker, reason he has a fake image of success holding a phd and had attended courses with more knowledge than the caregivers or mental club staff. He tends to emulate other person achievements in life and make his own imagination of success and declare highly of his success. He would make up information to portray of his happiness or having dinner at the best restaurant with a higher ranking officer. Why? Just as revenge towards others that he has great abilities and special. He thinks highly of himself and boasts off his abilities to build a fake image of greatness, but inside it hurts.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder – What’s your Role?
Caregivers at the mental club: Terminate support for such person, because he will cause chaos, and irritate your staff, plus you will spend your human resource for his interest, which has no end. Make him do volunteer work to understand himself, maybe.. but just make him busy rather than pondering over his mishaps.
Counsellor: Limit contact and control from replying to his sms needs or comment.
If he notices that people around him do not reply to his request, he will realize something wrong with him and seek advice. This is where you stated to him clearly that he is indeed sick but he controls his destiny to recovery, but it is not easy. After about 10 years of revenge, it might not go off easily.
When you handle Narcissists, it is important to be firm and not agreeing to his needs. Or else he will seep blood from you, and drain off your last breath. You need to be strong and give tips one at a time, because he could not focus much of what you said to him.
Trust your instincts; do not follow his needs because narcissist wants to take control towards others. Be wary.
You also need to build a certain distance or boundaries and allocate contact time at your convenience, if Narcissists request for more time or counselling, say no. Tell him that you have other patients or other duties to perform. Be firm and do not let him control you.
If you have the strength to support, go ahead and do it, but if you feel he uses more of your resource and could not handle his constant sms for attention and draining you, it is best to just leave him and stop all support.
Trouble teens: How to Deal With person affected with Narcissistic Disorder
NPD hits a person due to abusive mental and physical tremor; due the lack of parental love & care. So as a child, he had a scar which blossoms to vengeance and showing off his great attribute to build self esteem and greatness. It is just a fake impression of him and wanting to control others as a game of manipulation. He caters for his needs and never bothers about others. He feels others are watching him and planning against him.
For caregivers who support narcissistic personality disorder, it has been a difficult challenge facing patients with NPD.
Q: Can psychiatrists help?
A: No pain killers or psychiatrists can treat the patient. The person needs to change his whole concept of life and need to be re-parented. This means more discussions and consultation. The only cure is to change his concept of life. Only if he realizes he has a problem, but if he does not see that he has a problem than support would not benefit him. He is just like a child frosted in him even though he is above 20’s. Weaning for attention and displaying his fake impression of success. If you can lead him, you need to be strong, but if you can’t, than it is best to let others handle the case.
Q: How to change his concept of life?
A: You need to show & guide him by asking him a lot of questions. Do not give your answer to concept of life. Example; you stated that you want to live on your own. How do you support yourself to buy a house? He said: I will work. What job will you do? I am going to get a job at an organization. But that company didn’t give me a job. You need to tell him that he needs to write a resume or application form. You see, he didn’t know that to get a job, he needs to attend interviews and submit application form. Reason; he thinks he is in control and others need to submit to his will. Just prompt him with questions.
Q: He mentions his problems at home & caregivers not supporting him, what will you do?
A: Stop him from repeating the issue and blaming others, tell him to take a deep breath and release it, tell him to focus on what he is going to do with his life. Lead him stating that if you had a scar on your arms, are you going to ponder at it or put some cream over the scar? Give him more open questions. Let him solve small problems. Looking at the scar for ten years does not solve your problem, you need to put burn cream over it and place a bandage. Give more examples. If you have a new shoe, you run and fell. Are you going to blame the shoe that your father gave you, or blaming yourself? Teach him to understand himself and how he thinks.
Q: He feels other people are watching and planning against him. What will you do?
A: Tell him to take a deep breath & release it slowly. Tell him to be calm that nobody wants to hurt him. You did irritating nuisance to others, did you know? Yes, I did it. Take a deep breath. Other person who knows you has feelings, you hurt them. Take a deep breath, delete all vengeance and repent. You also did mistakes. Let him realize his mistakes and acknowledge it.
Q: What does a NPD real need?
A: He needs a fatherly figure to parent him with love & care which he loss it during childhood.
Q: How to avoid Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
A: Parenting with love & care. Avoid slapping the child on the face or head. Avoid saying words or emotional abuse. If he did something good say some praises to him, but if he did something wrong, give good reason and explanation. Do not be so commanding and instructional phrases. Teach him choices in making decision. Lead and guide him.
Thanks for reading this small article. I personally hope it helps a bit to support caregivers. I know you are having a tough time. Be strong like the mountains.