I need help-I am addicted
Objective: To counter attack addiction facing our youth, understand the real problem and resolving tips to stop addiction. I need help-I am addicted
There are many resources regarding this topic; however the author of this article wanted to add some sizzle to the topic by researching forums and discussion panel and real scenarios facing our society. We need to understand the role of media and control techniques to resolve the habit.
Some real life scenarios:
Please help me, I’m addicted to masturbation. How can I stop this habit?
I am 16 yr old boy form the Philippines. My problem is I am addicted to masturbation. I masturbate twice or three times a day. I think this is my hobby. How can I stop my addiction? It’s making my life miserable. Please help me thanks guys.
Muslim addicted to porn, I can’t stop watching it please help. I know it’s a very big sin in Islam?
Please help me as I know it is a very big sin, I never done adultery and inshallah never do it. But masturbating is also very bad, please help me to quit, what can I do? I try to quit but then see a very nice girl and just can’t hold myself when I get home or i see a picture on Face book and just can’t hold myself. I started 3 years ago by my friend forcing me, I was very religious till he forced me and I started. Thank you for reading and if you help me may Allah help you inshallah
I meant I was scared to **** but my friend said it feels good etc. plus he is not Muslim. He said go onto this site and try and after trying once I slowly got addicted to it and couldn’t stop, now I do it at least once a day and regret it after each time I do it and feel bad but I find myself doing it again later on
Addicted to porn from the husband’s perspective
My addiction began as something small, but step by step over 10 years, it has transformed into something which is at times uncontrollable. The first time I used a credit card on a porn site was after several years of being addicted to porn. It was like I have crossed a threshold, stepped over an important line. And unfortunately, having crossed that line, I haven’t looked back and have used the card numerous times since. And that is how it is with this sin. You promise yourself for a long time that you won’t cross a certain line, but then you do, and it becomes easy to repeat that sin again. But having crossed that line only once advances you to the next level of sinfulness. So you’re first mistake is looking at a woman lustfully. Then it’s looking at free porn sites, and then it’s looking at pay porn sites, and so on. My advice to those who are in the early steps of this sin is to never give into the temptation to go to the next level. If you admire pretty girls, that’s bad, but not as bad as searching for porn on the web. It’s a slippery slope that ends with you.
Let’s understand our internal thoughts;
There are two forces in our hearts: evil and good. If the evil desire is strong then the person will be involved in something uncontrollable. Whereas, if good prevails in his heart; then the desire will be strong and able to control oneself.
There exist in us constant conflicts of these two desires.
To control evil desire; is not to feed its desire with inputting request to our mind and hearts. Things that the evil desire wants us to do should be forfeited and abolished from our hearts.
Dear Sir: I have been addicted for years, but unsuccessful to fight my desires. I have been fighting my desires for years. How could you help me?
From x6Admin: “Dear friend; every person in the face of this earth has this evil desire, always commanding us to do evil, but the actual evil is within us. It is like a monster who feeds on evil desires, the more a person indulge in the activities the more he is trap like a rat, constrain within walls of his never ending desire, but these desires always want more from you, and suddenly you become his slave, fulfilling the evil desire commands. It has been a hectic life, and the desires never end, following wherever you go.”
How to control your life tip:
- Overcome addiction by knowing yourself
- Taking the right steps
- Developing a busy schedule
- Brain control
- Lower your gaze
- Avoid watching TV and videos
Overcome addiction by knowing yourself
You are the commander of your fortress; you can fight your evil desires by having a strategic war plan.
Hey dude; I am not planning using any spheres or dagger to combat this evil in oneself, but please read more….
The enemy is the evil desire which have been living with us since day one of our life,. It has been feeding luxuriously with intimacy, pornography and ends with masturbation to release that tension within you, you fail, you feel sorry and disgrace yourself, your dignity at stake, but the evil within you laugh with joy. But when you repent, the evil within you cries in disgrace, it is still an ongoing war between you and that evil monster seating enjoying your desires.
knowing your strength and weakness is a key to part of the resolution. You need to understand that your desires is actually an ailment within you, the cure needs patient, there is no medicine in the world can cure you from this sickness, no doctors can perform therapy or operational surgery.
What are the triggers?
Let’s assume your desires are triggered after watching TV series portraying beautiful girls with big bust, you look at it, and get excited, and you just lose the game.
Scanning through some magazine you noticed some rounded butt, and started to have fantasy. You go to the toilet, and release your overwhelming tension. Again you lose.
After watching late night movies, and sleeping alone in bed, your mind roams with fantasy created and edited by your fantastic imagination, it has been an hour thinking about sex, started to hold on to the excitement and erected your pistol, it goes off with some jerking feeling, shoot..shoot, BAM, no body dies. But pieces of water splattered on your pants. You usually have difficulty sleeping at night because your mind is having imagination. The insomnia is part of the mind wandering around and fantasizing sex activities. The guilty feelings never stop. How could you give in so easily to the needs of the monster within you?
Stress, sadness, love rejection, unsatisfactory partners, unemployment, are some of the triggers.
Input from your subconscious to start an activity; such as using some liquid to stroke, or when you are doing some surfing, suddenly it pops to you, due to tiredness; let’s watch some girls. This input reacts fast without you recognizing it coming until it is too late. The whisper is so near to you, but the input and request comes from the evil monster wanting to satisfy his desires.
Bathing too long in the toilet, will give the evil desire to react and take an opportunity against you, the desire request you to look at your private parts and start doing something to excite you.
Taking the right steps
Taking the right steps is a precaution before the high intensity happens to you and it is too late to stop.
First tip: remind yourself of these triggers: going into the toilet (using liquid) surfing the internet and later watch girls, stroking your private parts, being alone at home, your mind wandering when going to sleep.
Some strategic policies: I need help-I am addicted
- No TV, you tube, movies, videos after 10pm
- No reading of materials, with pictures of pretty girls
- Remind yourself of not using any liquid on your private parts
- Paste a piece of paper on the wall stating some points, the reason you need to stop.
- Lower your gaze whenever you see a woman in front of you; never look at girls by passing you.
- Make a solemn promise to yourself that you would not masturbate and repent from the sins.
- Declare to yourself the reasons you are not interested in the evil desires; state this I have my dignity and respect. I want to be free from slavery to the monster within me.
- You need to realize this fight within you needs a lot of consistency and patience. Do not give in to the evil needs.
- Stop the triggers by forfeiting it, and stating to yourself, no; I am not interested, if the urge is strong, if you are alone at home, get out of the house, get yourself busy.
- Get involve in charity work, donate some blood to save lives, do some good deeds, listen to sermons and speech on a weekly basis, knowledge is important to combat this desire.
- Whenever you lose to the desire, react: you tell yourself that I am going to punish you; how? Create some punishment such as; washing the toilet, cutting grass for your neighbour FREE. You pay the gas, just an example.
- You need to train yourself commander style, no excuses for an offence.
Developing a busy schedule
Do you realize that if you are busy, you would not have time to fantasize. Ok, Create a busy schedule by listing and pasting it on the wall in front of your desk. You can create weekly activities and monthly schedule or jobs required to do, Get rid of boredom by making yourself busy; such as, visiting relative, meet friends, go to the mall, go to the library, cut the grass, repair and maintain your car. Etc,
Did you notice that the activities stated above are public places, try not to isolate yourself and locked at home with your PC? Try not to engage with any love affairs, not yet, only if you want to get married.
The brain is the mastermind behind all your activities; it is the motherboard with intel inside commanding parts of your body to react to certain input and command.
Sorry sir, the brain has no program code; it works fast instructing your body to react to any suggestion or input. However; you are the programmer giving codes to your brain. If it is at the end of the week, On Friday, the body knows it has to do some secret activities surfing for porno.
Because instruction has been imputed in the subconscious mind to automatically function on Friday, the trigger will automatically reacts to the suggestions or command from the sub brain.
To fight this program is to decode by forfeiting the suggestion by stating; I will forego this activity, I am busy right now, I need to do my chores, I need to contact George for some assignments. If the urge is strong, get out of your room and do some activities. You need a plan before this happen, and you will do as plan. Take a deep breath and hold for 10 seconds, repeat several times.
- Plan number one; seek refuge in God to help you from the evil desires.
- Plan number two: perform prayers or activity to skip this urgent urge.
- Plan number three; leave the room, do not isolate yourself. Never go to the toilet.
- Plan number four: fasting at least once a week
For whatever reasons; the brain will input instruction to release your desire. Do not wait till the last minute to control. Any suggestion or input, just skip or ignore the desires. Try to erase your evil history out of your mind and focus in doing other things, do not fantasize and linger in such creative fantasy. When the fantasy attacks you; you need to stop your fantasy, and skip the visualization having or meeting big bust woman. The fantasy lingers on creating a batch of sex fantasy. Stop and skip the fantasy. Every time this fantasy immerges, just stop and skip.
You need to practice this a lot; any fantasy; such as good job, travel or being a hero of a film that you have just watched. Just skip and ignore, because if you don’t do this, the fantasy gets deeper, and suddenly it wanders around having affairs with woman. Stop and skip.
Stop your imagination from fantasy, and lingering with such activities.
Lower your gaze
Practice lowering your gaze. Don’t look at woman with open eyes wide open, if you notice a woman coming towards you, Assume that the woman does not exist in front of you. If a girl is standing in front of you, close your eyes.
“Your eyes is the window to your heart, if your heart is triggered to the input, it will send instruction to your mind, program for you to linger on thinking about the pretty lady that you have just seen and created fantasies. Stop gazing whenever you see women.”
The prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated;
“Gazing is some of the arrows of the Satan (which never miss its target), whoever forfeited gazing because he is pious of Allah, Allah will change that gaze into faith, and he will find the sweetness of faith in his heart”
Avoid watching TV and videos
Control from watching TV shows and videos especially at night before sleeping time. Create a policy to stop watching when the clock strikes 9.30 or 10 pm. This technique is to control your mind from thinking about the show or the story line, your mind can snip images of girls and provide input for fantasies.
Get professional help from a consultant
If you addiction is really bad, and getting worse, don’t be shy to approach a consultant and request for support, I personally believed the consultant will definitely give you more tips and suggestion to your addiction.
Islam’s Prohibitions such acts– A Great Blessing
Altaf Husain, a social worker in the US, writes in an article on ways to overcome addiction:
“No one becomes addicted intentionally; it is not a goal one sets out to accomplish. Addiction is ultimately the triumph of the soul commanding to evil over the self-reproaching soul. What begins as just one quick glance at a pornographic Web site, one sip of alcohol, one snort of cocaine, one injection of heroin, or even one session of aggressive overeating does not affect every individual the same way. For those who have a weak relationship with Allah, are on the margins of daily worship, are keeping company with similarly heedless individuals, the one glance, the one sip leads them, ultimately, down a slippery slope from which they will have, potentially, a lifelong struggle recovering.”
Islam recognizes the perils of such self-destructive behavior. While prescribing permissible ways of fulfilling certain legitimate desires, Islam clearly draws the line around certains types of behavior and strikes them at the root.
Consequently, alcohol, drug consumption and gambling are strictly prohibited, even in small quantities. The Glorious Qur’an says:
“O ye who believe! Intoxicants and gambling, (dedication of) stones, and (pination by) arrows, are an abomination,- of Satan’s handwork: eschew such (abomination), that ye may prosper.” [Al-Qur’an 7:31]
In the last five decades, pornography has been the cause of many a broken home, and multitudes of destroyed lives. By enjoining men and women towards modesty, the Glorious Qur’an protects the dignity of the human being. The Qur’an says:
“Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms…” [Al-Qur’an 24:30-31]
Islam recommends marriage for the fulfillment of natural desires and for procreation, but prohibits the depiction of any human being as merely an object of sexual gratification. Notice how the Qur’an elevates the status of both men and women by recognizing their nature, while also drawing their attention towards a higher purpose in life.
When one reflects on the havoc caused by alcohol and drug addiction, by compulsive gambling and by rampant pornography, one can only see the prohibitions and injunctions of Islam as great blessings to the human race. The pine prohibitions ensure that even if one does not see the wisdom behind abstaining from these evils, one is guarded by adhering to certain norms in a spiritual frame of reference.
The purpose of Prayer and Fasting – Strenghthening the Soul with Patience
While every pillar of Islam serves to strengthen the soul, the five daily prayers and the fasting during the holy month of Ramadan are especially beneficial in disciplining the soul.
The Glorious Qur’an says;
“Recite what is sent of the Book by inspiration to thee, and establish regular Prayer: for Prayer restrains from shameful and unjust deeds; and remembrance of Allah is the greatest (thing in life) without doubt. And Allah knows the (deeds) that ye do.” [Al-Qur’an 29:45]
Fasting is universally recognized as a means of gaining self-control, and in Islam, also a means of gaining closeness to God.
“O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint,”– [Al-Qur’an 2:183]
Prayer and fasting are therefore like the shields of the human soul, by which it can protect itself from the onslaughts of modern temptations, and lead a healthy, balanced and productive life.
“To strike at the roots of addiction, a holistic view of the human soul is essential. Islam provides both a world-view and a spiritual system that elevates the human being by empowering the soul to fulfill the pine Mission. Besides prohibiting behaviors that might demean the human soul in any way, Islam prescribes practical ways of strengthening it.
For the soul that values the sweetness of pine Remembrance, capitulating to the base desires represents disobedience to the Creator as well as oppression against the self. It is through recognition of the purpose of creation can the soul achieve true freedom.”