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Trouble teens-How to handle teens

The previous article trouble kids-whose fault is it? The article pointed out some lessons on teaching your kid about decision making skills and effective reading. We also discussed the benefit of open question as a show of concern.

The objective of this article: How to handle teens, is to discuss about myriad issues facing our teens; Detail description of problems and tips to resolve some of these problems, but the most important lesson is how we as parents able to lead them to be a responsible adult.

tips to resolve trouble teens

We have heard some of these problems in forums and discussion panels.

  • Parents complaining about their teens;
  • I hate teens waking up late; I need to be their alarm clock waking them up to go to school or work.
  • A don’t bother attitude and assume life is easy
  • Return home late at night
  • Thinking about high pay jobs without having to work hard or certification
  • Glued on face book and fiddling the i-phone
  • Unconcern regarding adult opinions
  • Joining cult groups
  • Pregnancy and abortion

Well; the complaints against teens can be more…but what’s wrong with our teens?

  • Over exposure to technology, holding the latest phone, he doesn’t know the price tag on it,
  • Easily influence and indulging in unhealthy life style
  • Naïve of the consequences

 

Some real scenarios happening in our society and it is getting worse

Case No 1: ‘My child was fine, but suddenly at 15 she started to change and join groups, She pierced her ear with 3-4 studs and dyed her hair, she was listening to black metal, when I read the lyrics it stated about killing, blood, it looks as if she is involve in cult worshipping. I read her face book, she is having a love affair with some guy, and I found out he took pot’ She wanted to elope with her boyfriend, I need help!

 

Case No 2: ‘A Muslim girl stated to her friend in Face book that she had adultery, and addicted to such activity, this girl memorize the Quran and at the same time wearing the veil’ her, her friend replied; requesting her to repent and stop the love affair, but eventually she started again and had another adultery.’ Dear writer; what’s your opinion to help trouble teens?

 

Case No 3: Recently a newly born baby was dead with head injuries, how in the world humans kill their own baby? Investigation lead by CID (criminal division) to take action against the murder, and caught red handed a 20 year old woman who lives on the third floor of an apartment unit. She had sex with her boyfriend but he disappeared, maybe due to stress or shame, she abolished the child, and threw the child out of the window. She is now facing sentences, it can be murder.

What’s changing our teens?

A biological activity within him a transition from child to adult hood, at the stage of puberty, hormones activated to physically change his looks.(most people know about this) He now faces myriad of responsibility and decision making, but he is not ready to face the music.

What’s ticking in his head?

  • School pressure: examination results and high expectation from parents, he needs to score a certain number of points in his academic subjects to get into the best school or diploma courses.
  • Peer pressure: to act like adults, taking the smoking habit, join clubs, hearing the same type of rock or hip hop music, wearing black clothes etc
  • Planning for uncertain future, and thinking about his career path, if he takes the wrong course in school, he may waste 3 years pursing something he has no passion.
  • Parents divorce; Neglected and deprived of financial support, this cause uncertainty and indecisive behavior. He sleeps in friend’s house or in tents, unsure about his future. playing games till late in the morning at 3 am or perhaps he is watching porno, maybe…

Typical attributes of our teens

  • Teens are vulnerable to argue or comment against your instructions, because he thinks that he had made the right steps or decision.
  • Unable to visualize the consequences of their decision and taking the easy way out to resolve issues.

Truut truut, I am busy and my phone is ringing, ok I will answer the call
Hello sir, you have been writing this article; Trouble teens-How to handle teens, but I need help fast and what’s the resolution? Ok, just read more…


I have been thinking about this topic for 2 weeks, I did some research on the topic, and you know what I found out there, challengers facing our teens, these issues seldom occurred in the 1900’s, the era of rock: long live rock!, with hippies walking the streets and singing to the latest Deep purple, scorpion, black Sabbath ACDC, etc When drugs abuse is part of the rock society, but you don’t have to follow the crowd, you just enjoy the music, that’s it.

But in this high tech optic fiber age, we should empathies the struggle within our kids to adopt to the fast phase of change.
Ok here is some of the resolution you want to read about, some are my opinions and some of the resolution should be handle by private organization.

Let’s disseminate the problem on a case by case;

Case No 1: ‘My child was fine, but suddenly at 15 she started to change and join groups, She pierced her ear with 3-4 studs and dyed her hair, she was listening to black metal, when I read the lyrics it stated about killing, blood, it looks as if she is involve in cult worshipping. I read her face book, she is having a love affair with some guy, and I found out he took pot’ She wanted to elope with her boyfriend, I need help!

Resolution No 1:

Dear Sis, I understand your concern towards your child, you want the best, but I personally request an open heart, just as a personal friend to resolve this case, I know this type of case has been going on, because the alarming abortion rate is about 4000 a day.
Resolution: Trouble teens-How to handle teens
There are two types of resolution :

  • Prevention and maintenance
  • Protection and confinement

 

 

 

Resolution 1: Prevention and maintenance

What do I mean by prevention?

Developing your child starts at a young age, 3 years old with constant monitoring and communication, when the child is at the age of 14-18 years old, there should be more real life examples to open the minds of our child.
How do I start the development process?
Schedule once a week, at the right time feasible and agreed upon by the family members. Every person at home needs to attend the weekly quality time, and always start on time as schedule.

What’s quality time?

Time you spend with your child to communicate and discuss openly face to face. eating together or vacation.

 

How is the development process?

Open up a topic of the week; let’s assume the topic is about smoking; you need to do some research on the subject. Talk about some real scenario, person with lung cancer in a hospital bed, you may open up a piece of the news paper showing a person with lung cancer. Throw some questions to your children to answer,

Some question that you need to ask; did any of your friends’ smoke, where did they smoke, why smoking cause lung cancer? Is it worth to smoke and risking your life and health, if you are offered a free cigarette will you smoke? Give an example of the parent when they are young, how did the parent manage not to smoke.

Parent stated: I smoked when I was a teenager like you, but after considering the consequences of my action, I decided now and there to quit smoking, it is not worth to risk my life and health. well, you know the smell of smoke is like burned paper, I hate it.

 

 

Q: what happens if the parent smokes? Simple the topic is considered vault and null. Why? Parents must show good example before opening such topics.

 

The communication and discussion is a prevention and maintenance type of resolution. Start the ball rolling with discussion before the actual habit is hard to resolve. So with information and knowledge about the topic, your child becomes aware of the consequences of such activities which later may lead to deeper problems like taking drugs or joining groups. We need to build an invisible fortress to protect our child by imputing knowledge, being naïve is an internal enemy and may destroy your fortress.

When the teens are in their secondary levels 3-4, talk about deeper problems; such Career path, adultery, sex, drugs, how to choose your marriage partner, dating etc. You also need to make it clear a policy at home.

When the teens starts to work aged 20-24. Why do you choose this guy?, what is special about him, Instruct them to bring their fiancé to visit the home, you also talk to the fiancé,
Well, the discussion and topics increase in intensity appropriate to the child’s age.

Next;

Resolution 2: Protection and confinement

As case number 1 stated: The teen dyed the hair, communicating with a guy over the internet via face book or may indulge in sex, pregnancy or abortion.

 

 

The next drastic thing that you should do with such problematic behavior, is to call up a consultant to support your struggle, if the teen is involve with sex, or pregnancy then she should be confine to a rehabilitation centre to repent, educated and be aware of her consequences, but the question should I kill the child, NO, NO. let her give birth and send the child to an adaption centre or you need to take care of your child, don’t be ashamed of the consequences of your teen adultery issue, you save your dignity by not killing the child, it is not the unborn child’s mistake.

Remove her out of the disturb society or group by placing the teen in a rehab centre, it is a drastic decision, but sometimes you need to place a cane to change a situation, or taking a harsh approach to a heavy penalty. You need to be brave to take such action, to stop a vicious cycle, at the moment your teen is infected with the deadly disease of wrong company and group; next it may hit your grandchild. You need to stop this by taking a decision fast, before it becomes really bad. Do not KIV a decision, and thinking it will go off.

You need to approach social support centre or rehabilitation; it is the best care, once if she passes her adulthood stage, things will be better, (aged 22-26) she will be more matured and more knowledgeable to save herself. Whatever you do, do not give your teen an easy way out to resolve her problems, you only guide and show the way to the right decision, but not to save her by spending money to bail the teen out from jail, let the teen understand the consequences of their fault.

If the country that you live does not have such support, discuss with some influential people, or drug support society, it is crucial for this organization to have an important role supporting the society. Or perhaps you need to open up a parental support group in school or university. Speak to the professor to create motivational program for secondary and college students, realizing the challengers ahead, definitely help students to realize the impact of such activities. Programs such as adultery, smoking, career path, moral values, etc.  Hope this works. To your success!

OK that’s it for today..
NEXT to follow up is case number 2